1970s Redux

Posted by Sarah on Dec 5, 2011 in Fatshion, Life | 10 comments

If you follow me on a Twitter, you know about my 1970s vintage obsession. And most likely, my vintage owl collection. My vintage obsession began around 2009 – I started buying vintage dresses on eBay and I was completely hooked. Then came scouring Goodwill, Salvation Army, and various other thrift stores for clothes. It stayed with clothes for a while, until I bought my beautiful pride and joy, my vintage Marimekko print, and from then on it’s been all about the 70s. My apartment always had a 70s vibe, lots of orange and brown, but it’s gone into overdrive since I’be been living alone.

So, meet my apartment. I moved in on September 1st, and have been decorating fiendishly ever since. I can’t seem to go a week without hitting up Goodwill and buying something random to decorate the apartment with. There’s a mix of 70s and Mid-century modern in the apartment – basically I’m a sucker for anything from the 1950s-1970s.

And now presenting, 1970s Redux!

Fashion Bloggers: TAKE ME BACK!

Posted by Sarah on Oct 8, 2011 in Fatshion, Life | 19 comments

I can be a blogger! I HAVE A DRESSING ROOM!

I miss being a fashion blogger. I miss taking pictures. And online shopping. And tweeting. Especially living alone, tweeting is a nice communication device when you feel like you’ve been talking to the dogs too much. I knew that I needed to sit down and write a post when I was walking down my hallway that I just got a new carpet runner for (courtesy of carpet scraps from work!)  and turned to say to the dogs, “Isn’t this runner nice?” And they were just stretching and yawning, because this girl just rolled out of bed, because I am working second shift tonight. But I’ve had a few dilemmas trying to jump back into fashion blogging, so hey, let’s do this is true Sarah-style and make a list:

Little known fact to the blogging community: I’ve lost 40 pounds since last year.

So, that’s my confession. Did I diet? No. Did I start making “healthier choices?” No. Did I <insert another of the million other euphemisms for diet here> ? No. People keep asking what I did or what I’m doing, and really, I don’t know. I’m less stressed by life. I walk EVERYWHERE. Until recently I lived up a vertical hill that I had to climb everyday after work. And I don’t make much money, so I don’t go out to eat or order in very much. (Though Dominos and I still try to meet up a couple times a month.) Why is this a blogging problem? Um…none of my clothes fit. Even the smallest pair of jeans I managed to dig out of the depths of my closet are loose after a few hours. Currently I live in either my work uniform, which is black pants and a button down shirt, or tee-shirts and jeans. Thank goodness I am obsessed with big belts because I have been able to belt some of my dresses for my sales days at work. But otherwise, I feel ridiculously unfashionable. And it sucks, because I have some REALLY AWESOME CLOTHES that I REALLY MISS WEARING. Which brings me to my next point…

(A blog-break to point out that I was just chastising Hami for ripping a hole in my afghan, and yelling, “NO! I LOVE THIS AFGHAN!” Do you see why I need my blogging buddies?)

I’m on an incredibly restrictive budget.

I went from a two-person household where we both had decent income, to a single person household and a huge cut in pay. I went from a girl that was used to dropping $100 here and there for clothes, getting new Coach bags for most holidays, and never really having to worry about having some cash, to being able to count my clothing purchases in the past 8 months on one hand and selling every Coach bag I owned. I’m not saying, “Oh poooooor Sarah, she can’t shop!” at all. I absolutely ADORE my life. I have a two bedroom apartment ALL TO MYSELF. I have a group of friends like I’ve never had in my life! But the reality is, I choose to spend my little bit of extra cash on other things. Like birthday presents for the dogs. And outlet converters. And bottles of white wine. And whenever I try to online shop, I just feel overwhelmingly guilty. I’m pretty much only comfortable spending around $20. CAN I EVEN BUY SOMETHING FOR THAT?!

I am so out of the loop.

Really, I am. I get on twitter, and I have no idea what’s going on. I used to be a Twitter junkie. And all caught up on blogs, lives, shopping. Now, I’m mostly clueless and not sure how to jump in (or if I should!) It feels like I used to sit at the cool kids table in the cafeteria, and then I got mono or something, and when I came back, I no longer had a seat. (Points for metaphor, self.) And in true Sarah-fashion, I feel like awkward/paranoid/wicked out of place. So, that’s a big obstacle.

So, what I want to do is relearn fashion blogging. New me, new life. And I’d like some help. Some help dealing with clothes that are too big (however, keep in mind I can’t sew, so other useful suggestions), how to shop on $20, and most importantly, some help rejoining all of you. So, if, um, there is anyone out there, help. And now I have to go take a shower, because my 2pm second-shift alarm is going off on my iPhone.

Hello, summer, my love.

Posted by Sarah on Jul 25, 2011 in Fatshion, Life | 4 comments

Jess & I waiting for fried food from the dairy bar

The recent heatwave reminded me that it is indeed summer and I am still alive. Which is very shocking to me. Even more shocking, is the degree of happiness I experience regularly, which I didn’t think I would ever find in my lifetime.

I can only laugh at some of the changes I have gone through recently. For example, I am currently wearing the ugliest black sneakers I have ever seen, because they are Earth shoes and feel fabulous on my feet when I am working the front desk 8hours a day 5 days a week. They are also only the third fashion purchase I have made since February, the other two being a skirt and the infamous brown sweatshirt jumpsuit. My hair is so long that it touches the middle of my back and I have to put it up for work, otherwise it conceals my magnetic gold name tag that is on my lovely green button down shirt. And despite all of the things I have just mentioned, as I write this I have a ridiculous smile on my face, because I enjoy every single minute. I even enjoyed my walk to work in the pouring ran sans poncho because when I put the poncho on, I was too large for it and it ripped apart. I scowled the entire walk to work, listening to Animal Collective on my iPhone that was in a plastic bag to save it from the rain…but was still perky when I walked into the lobby.

I enjoy my job. And my the aforementioned green shirt I wear with my ugly pencil skirt that I got at the GAP ages ago. I enjoy wearing a messy side bun and interesting earrings. (Today’s are lions!) I like walking to and from work. I love that my “fashion” has become fuchsia birkenstocks, high-waisted shorts, and either a crop top or a ribbed tanktop OR a short dress that I used to be afraid to ever wear in the summer. I love my days off, which I cram with so many activities and people so I never feel like I am missing a moment in this life.

Yesterday was one of the days that reminded me of what I love about where I am. I spent the entire day just taking in my town with my bestie. We went to my favorite used furniture store, we had Sushi, we saw Captain America, we went to the lake, we went to the dairy bar, and then we rounded it out with the hot tub. Though I spent more money than I anticipated and I have a colony of mosquito bites on my ankle, I came home tired, happy, and the proud owner of a vintage owl clock and two vintage owl wall hangings. I spend my free time doing things like this…and also drinking far too much white wine, smoking too many Camel blues, and laughing too much. And when I’m feeling like a recluse (read: grandma) I curl up on the chaise with the pups all piled in my lap for some Netflix. I’m happy.

And this is what happiness looks like.

Summer work, fun, and anxiety.

Posted by Sarah on Jul 6, 2011 in Life | 1 comment

I haven’t written in my blog for so long. My wordpress dashboard actually feels a bit unfamiliar to me. What happens when you fail at blogging? Do you leave your domain and site here to languish like an abandoned house? A tiny speck on the internet, soon to be forgotten?

Nah, I just start writing again.

Life has been…a whirlwind lately. I started my job at the end of May, as a lovely hotel front desk agent in the Berkshires. And I must admit, I love it. There is a side of me that absolutely loves all things involving organization – so faxing, typing, printing, etc and I am in heaven. And then there is also the actress side of me – so getting to be delightfully cheerful and professional and saying things like, “Have a lovely evening!” with my best fake smile fulfills that side of me. One of my closest friends saw me at work, and said

Oh my god, you are so soft spoken at work. It’s almost like it’s a joke!

It’s true – I have this strange soft, slightly sultry work voice. Almost a purr. At work, I am a different person. I am no longer the sarcastic, loud, deep voiced Sarah that is cracking jokes. Instead I am polite, smiley, soft spoken Sarah, here to help you with your hotel needs. It’s fun to be someone else on a daily basis. I think it was the type of escape I was looking for.

Beyond work, I have a carefully constructed social life that involves grilling, camping, drinking wine, live music, long walks, and more laughter than I can remember ever having any other summer. 

Alas, my backyard dreams faltered when the property went up for auction and my neighbors bought it. They hate me and refer to me as “the snobby bitch,” (I heard them talking one afternoon while I was getting ready for work) and have put up caution tape on the property line, so I can’t even use my backdoor at this point. They also dug up the raised beds, because they were apparently 6″ or so on their property, so I can’t garden either. This has caused a bit of tension, as I am an anxious person by nature, and I am now terrified of my neighbors and constantly worry about what they will do if one of my dogs sneaks out and onto their property. This is basically what I make myself ill over on a daily basis. My mum is coming to visit to help me construct a tiny little fenced in area on my patch of yard so that if they sneak out they will have no where to go but there. But this doesn’t do much to quell my anxiety of these people, as I’ve heard ridiculous domestic disputes and other such things.

So, that’s life.

How is your summer going?

A quiet mind.

Posted by Sarah on Jun 7, 2011 in Life | 6 comments

I wish I could get out of my own head sometimes. Once thing I’ve noticed about myself since I struck out on my own is my intense scrutiny and analysis of everything. I cannot seem to enjoy the simplest of moments, because on the inside there are five different things I am thinking about or worrying about. I can never just be at peace. I often take long deep breaths and exhale to calm the fluttering I feel in my chest and stomach, only for it to return quickly.

Simultaneously, I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin, and so uncomfortable in my mind. And nearly all of it revolves around social interaction. I am constantly analyzing people’s reactions to everything. And predicting reactions. And trying to adjust myself accordingly. It’s strange because in terms of social interactions, I’ve always been quite self-assured. I’ve never really worried about what people think about me, especially my friends, but now, that’s all I think about. Small comments, a facial expression, fuck, a text message, and I will try to break down each piece until I’m sure something I’ve said/did/thought has caused someone discomfort or to be bothered by me. And AFTER I spend time with someone, I spend hours making myself feel ill about what I said, did, and how it could possibly have been annoying/pathetic/self-absorbed, etc.

Where did this all-consuming insecurity come from? This…awkwardness. And I hide it well. I don’t think people realize how anxious I am every waking moment. I was talking to my best friend about this, and she was shocked when I said that’s how I feel. I could even name 5-10 things that were floating around my mind that I was anxious about. And I can do that at any given time. I don’t think I realized it was abnormal until recently. The fact that small things consume me to the point where I don’t eat regularly, live on coffee and too much or too little sleep, and enormous amounts of nervous energy. I just can’t seem to find this peaceful balance, where I can just exist, interact, and be who I am again.

Often, like today, I can barely even verbalize what all of the things that are consuming me and making me so damn anxious. But it all just piles up until there are just days where I isolate myself so I can just try to process things or just get away from people so I don’t have to analyze everything they do and worry about it.

It must stem from losing the person that I thought embraced and loved everything about me. When you lose the person in your life that you never had any doubts about, never had any facade with, never censored yourself around…it shakes you. That sort of…rejection is so profoundly hurtful, that it scarred me deeper than I realized. Because, now I say to myself,

“If that person, who was supposed to love you forever, spend his life with you, and saw every piece of you, knew everything about you..and rejected you…”

and that beginning thought just spirals continuously. So, I feel like I need to tone myself down, or be more careful of who I am with those in my life, so they don’t do the same. It’s an exhausting and painful way to live.

I think if I could wish for one thing right now, I would wish to feel peaceful, even for a few moments.

Sarah, BE something!

Posted by Sarah on Jun 3, 2011 in Life | 4 comments

Adding a new blog post is so intimidating to me now…I just get overwhelmed and write draft after draft, quit halfway through, and then don’t end up posting. I don’t have the “fashion blogger” thing down anymore – my only outfit pictures are taken on my iPhone and we all know how bloggers feel about low quality pictures, and that makes me…a lifestyle blogger? A personal blogger? A whatever blogger? Blergh…blog niches I always thought were useful, but after I put myself in one for a year, I’m now breaking out of it.

I started worked this week, which is delightful. I’m full-time front desk at a hotel, working second shift. Obviously not what I anticipated as my post-college and post-grad school career, but frankly, I’m starting to doubt the idea of having a “career” to fulfill me anyway. When I was younger I always dreamt of my career being my life. Being a professor, an editor, or any of the millions of things I have wanted to do…those things were my goals. I always had the drive. High school, college, grad school, career. I had that plan for ages. In high school, I planned for college. In college, I planned for my MA. And while I was getting my MA I planned for a career in my field. But with everything that has happened, I’ve really changed my values. And my goals. Now, I see a job as what can give me money to do the things I really want to do. What do I really want to do? Blog. Spend time with the amazing people in my life. Travel. I always put so much pressure on myself to “be something” from an early age that it’s taken me this long to realize that it doesn’t matter.

I AM something.

I am Sarah and I am…

• A writer
• A friend
• A sister, a daughter
• An artist (however amateur)
• A mom to three lovely pups and a hamster
• An adventurer
• A discoverer of the world
• A pretentious wannabe-hipster f*ck

And so many other things I can’t even began to verbalize. Am I going to settle for things? Of course not. I’ll take any opportunities I can. However, I’m not going to put this unnecessary pressure on myself “be something,” whatever that means. I am going to live. And that means working at a hotel, meeting new people, seeing live music, going out with my friends, writing, reading, walking, talking…the things I love. I don’t need to put myself into some category.

My goal in life?

To be happy and to make those I love and care about happy as well.

And I don’t foresee anything being more important than that.