Meaty Topic: How did I get here?

I haven’t been blogging for very long. I started in January of this year – it’s June 1. I can’t believe that in the few short months I have been blogging how much I have accomplished and how far I’ve come. But here is my little known secret:

I started this blog as a DIET blog.

If you read my earlier posts, they are all about me counting my WW points, trying to find workout videos, getting down on myself for “being bad,” and trying to “hold myself accountable” by using my blog for my diet (You can find my earlier stuff here). I even had a weight tracking chart. I weigh more now than I have ever in my life. And at the beginning of 2010 I felt horrible about myself and thought the only way I could be happy was to diet. That there was no way for me to be happy in the body I am in – I could only be happy by changing it. I lived through numbers: pounds, points, measurements.

And then as I was searching for a blogger community, I found A Curvy Girl’s Guide to Style. And I didn’t really know what to do about it. Chastity was so stylish. And happy. And successful. A curvy, plus-size woman. And she was PROUD of her body. That couldn’t possibly be okay. And there was no way I could reconcile that with trying to be “healthy” and goal to be THIN. How could I embrace the body I was so desperate to be rid of?

I ignored those thoughts and secretly gorged myself on Chastity’s posts. And then her blog, led me to a whole world of blogs. So my addiction grew, and I wrote my first post using the word fatshion. And then I wrote my first fatshion post there after. And my blog title change from “Return to Sender: Letter’s to the World without Postage” to “Return to Sender: A FAT Girl’s Letters to the World.” Down came the weight chart, the weight goals, the points counting, the goals…because I didn’t need to lose weight anymore. I felt good. Better than I felt when I was thinner and starving myself or binging and feeling guilty. Better than being a size 12. And I could be healthy and fat…which was something else I could barely wrap my mind around.

I always think of that quote, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” And thin didn’t feel that great. And I certainly know of MANY foods taste as good…and better. (GOOD CHOCOLATE, DUH!) But it’s not about that…it’s this idealization of being thin – as if you cannot be happy unless you are. I ditched the diet. I embraced myself. And I don’t regret that decision for a second. Would I like to be in better shape? Yes – I’d like to be stronger and I plan on walking more, exercising, and being active with my bestie this summer. If I lose weight, that’s fine, if not, that’s also fine.

I’m not anti-weightloss.

I’ve gone up and down so many times it’s ridiculous – sometimes I can’t help but get down on myself about my weight, there are days of MAJOR insecurity, but I think we all have those. But at this point in my life, I’ve finally chosen to stop dieting. I am trying to break myself of all those weird habits I still hold on to – buying Lean Cuisines, getting 100 calorie packs, making sure most of the things I buy are “fat free” or “low fat.” I want to nourish and care for my body now, not put myself on yet another diet – they’re just not or me, though I know they are for many others.

And I also think people get confused about my blog – yes it is a FATshion blog…but that’s not all. To me, fatshion and fat acceptance go hand in hand. I am inherently a political person that likes to be informed and form an opinion – I can’t separate myself from the political aspect of fatshion – probably why I have more meaty topics than most. I’m also a writer – so I often crave writing and crafting long, thought out posts. That’s what English degrees do to you.

I don’t want to “define” my blog as something – it is what it is.

And I love the fatshion community because we all voice our opinions and we disagree and then we are on Twitter talking about our dogs, boys, girls, shopping, moving, and none of that matters. There doesn’t  need to be this “split” in the community that some people see or try to say there is. I love reading the meaty posts – really seeing who the bloggers are, what their thoughts are.

Do you ever feel confined to writing exclusively about fashion? Do you like expressing your opinions or just sticking to plus size fashion?